Feeling Out of Sorts—Post-Milestone Depression Is a Real Thing

As I went to my knees this morning in prayer, wondering what on earth was wrong with me today, the Holy Spirit gently revealed the truth: I was experiencing the familiar post-whatever depression that tends to follow meaningful milestones in my life.

Sometimes it comes after a party or event I've spent weeks planning. Sometimes after a race that I spent months training for. This time, it came after finishing a book that I had spent the last 386 days reading... 

THE Book.  

The Holy Bible. 

For the first time in my life I read the entire thing -- every word of every verse of every chapter of every book. 

The plan was 365 days. I missed a few days here and there, but that part doesn't really matter. What matters is that I finished. 

It became part of my daily rhythm: get up, make the bed, brush my teeth, take my vitamins, get my coffee and head to my cozy reading corner. On mornings with early commitments, I did my best to squeeze my reading in later. At this point, I feel out of sorts if I don't read.

When I first started, my mind was full of questions... why did this happen? What does that mean? Who is this person? On Day 41, I finally started taking notes. Some days, pages and pages of them. At first, they were mostly questions I planned to circle back to later. Then came observations. Then personal revelations. 

I tracked family lines, lists of kings, gifts of the Spirit, measurements and weights, laws and celebrations. I began connecting dots all across Scripture that I had never noticed before. It was exhilarating. 

Each morning I would pray, 

"Lord! Show me something amazing today! Reveal things to me. Give me wisdom and understanding of Your Word."

Some verses that made me laugh out loud. There is an unmistakable dry sarcasm in Scripture... and honestly, there were moments when an eye-roll emoji felt entirely appropriate. 

Some verses that made me wrinkle my nose in disgust. 

Some made me squirm under the weight of conviction.

And some shattered my heart so completely that all I could do was cry.

So when I closed my Once-A-Day Bible yesterday, I expected to feel happy, amazed, pleased, hopeful, inspired. What caught me off guard were the other emotions -- vulnerable, sad, confused, overwhelmed.

Maybe I was afraid of that inevitable out-of-sorts feeling that comes when the routine ends. (Though truthfully, the plan was always to start over. It's not like I could never read it again.) 

This morning I woke up later than I had planned. I didn't make my bed or brush my teeth right away. I wandered around the house in my bathrobe feeling oddly lost. I remembered my vitamins, grabbed my coffee and wandered back to my room.

My cozy chair was waiting. My Bible sat on the small table beside it. Six notebooks and my colored pens were still there. And my heart felt strangely heavy. 

"Lord, what is wrong with me?" 

"You do this all the time," He whispered.

"It's okay. Just begin again."

So today, I begin. Again. 

And the words fall fresh. I notice things I've never seen before. Same words. Same book. New insights. New applications. New questions. New observations.

And just like that, a new excitement is born. 

If you've never read the Bible in it's entirety, I can't recommend it enough. Comment PLAN and I'll share the version I used. 

Be blessed! 🤍