Speaking Love Through Hamburgers

I’ve always been fascinated by communication: everything from the words we use, the tone of voice, body language, and every other intricate detail involved. Did you know that even your physical absence communicates some message – whether intended or not. Yes, the things we do – or don’t do – send a message.

One of my daughters-in-law posted something on social media about the Five Love Languages – a fantastic book by Gary Chapman. My husband and I read this valuable book many years ago and it has had a profound effect on our marriage; so much so that I purchased copies for my children as they grew into adults.

Our actions communicate a message to those we love which is our ‘love language’. Chapman defines five primary styles or ‘languages'. They are: Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. (You can go to the website and take a quiz to see what yours is.) Until you understand that the person you love may or may not ‘speak the same language’ as you do, it can be difficult to understand another’s intended message. For instance, if I speak Spanish and you speak French, I can say ‘I love you’ a million times over, but you wouldn’t understand. Similarly, if my love language is ‘Gifts’ and yours is ‘Words of Affirmation’ all the trinkets in the world wouldn’t prove my love to you. 

My husband’s love language is ‘Acts of Service’ and mine is ‘Gifts’. He worked so hard to serve me in ways I didn’t seem to notice, and I bought him frivolous gifts. Obviously, we were speaking different languages! I would be disappointed that he didn’t buy me flowers and he would be upset that I forgot to pick up his dry cleaning. 

So, this morning, as I read the post on Facebook, I was reminded of a beautiful story that perfectly exemplifies someone speaking  love through ‘Acts of Service’. 

When our middle daughter got married, she had her wedding and reception at our farm. She wanted a gourmet burger bar for the meal. My husband got 40 some pounds of fresh ground beef from a farmer-friend and spent an entire day hand making each patty to perfection. I suggested that it would have been easier (and cheaper) to purchase a box of hamburgers from the grocery store, which (in hindsight) seemed to irritate him. So, as I watched him mixing in the spices, rolling the meat into perfect balls, and hand pressing them with the new hamburger press he purchased, I was reminded of his love language: Acts of Service. 

Suddenly, I realized that this man - who wasn’t always generous with a verbal ‘I love you’ - might as well have been screaming it from a mountain top. He was serving our daughter in a very special way and the realization of this brought tears to my eyes. 

When you understand what language someone is speaking, you can begin to 'hear what they mean'. And when they figure out the language that you speak, they can begin to speak it back to you so that you understand…it’s a beautiful thing to be able to communicate such an important message!  It’s just a matter of paying attention and making an effort.

I encourage everyone to read the book and attempt to speak the language that matters to important people in their lives.  It’s a game-changer. (Visit Amazon.com to purchase!)

Be blessed!