Feeling the Rainbow
Have you ever seen a gorgeous rainbow in the sky...that was only one color? A beautiful, calm shade of violet. One color. Always the same.
Of course you haven't! Rainbows are meant to have all eight colors of the spectrum...Roy G. Biv. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. (My momma taught me that.)
And I've discovered that our emotions are a lot like rainbows - meant to be experienced with the entire spectrum in tact. Happy, sad, angry, surprised, silly, content, frustrated, and a long list of others.
I started taking antidepressants many years ago to help me through a 'rough time'. Not only did taking medication not help...I largely attribute the medication with making things even worse. And what typically happens when a dose of medication isn't helping the way 'they' think it should? They change medications or increase the dose. Maybe both, as was my case.
I settled in to a 'comfortably numb' state of mind. Until, over time, my body adjusted and the medication didn't seem to be working anymore... so after a few years I was told to take another one each day. And that pattern continued for seven years until finally something happened. I wish I could tell you what happened, but I really can't. I just woke up one day and wanted to stop taking the medication. I was tired of the side effects that were, in my opinion, far worse than the 'ailment' I was taking the medication for in the first place.
Time for a disclaimer!! I'm no medical expert...nor do I think that taking medication for a mental condition is wrong for some people. I'm saying it was wrong for me. Another disclaimer - I don't recommend using my method of quitting them either!! I went from three 150 mg pills to one. After a couple of weeks, I couldn't tell a difference, so I quit taking them all together. It took a few days for the most noticeable side effects to stop. The stomach cramping was gone! I was so relieved!
The anxiety (which I thought was why I was taking the meds in the first place) went away. The feeling of paranoia and insecurity went away. The headaches went away.
I did some research and started taking a natural dietary supplement that has a balancing effect on women's hormones as well as an herbal supplement for anxiety that would help me sleep, and my favorite, a chewable tablet to use when I feel anxious.
I began to notice that I could see colors brighter and the world looked more vibrant than it had. I began to laugh...really laugh, like belly laughing. It felt amazing. I hadn't laughed like that in so long that I had forgotten how it felt. I began to cry again.
That's when God showed me a rainbow and told me that that's how I was supposed to feel...all the emotions, each for a purpose. You can't know true sadness without knowing happiness. You can't feel calm without ever feeling excited. You can't feel safe without ever having known fear.
I warned my husband and my son that some of the things that hadn't bothered me in a while, might suddenly 'tick me off'. I asked for their patience and understanding. I even texted my friends for prayer when I thought I might loose it on one occasion. And I chewed a couple of those little tablets.
Last night, as I was getting prepared for an appointment I had this morning, I was getting frustrated. I couldn't find a thing to wear, I was feeling fat and dumpy. My son, bounced in, in typical Tigger style, demanding to know what my 'problem' was. I told him that I was just in a bad mood. He looked at me and said, "So what, you're in a bad mood because you're nervous for the first time in your whole life?"
I'm not sure what surprised me more, the fact that he identified my emotion before I did, or that he thinks I've never been nervous before. Either way, I found it amusing. It helped me to realize that I was feeling nervous. And while it wasn't the first time in my life...it might well have been the first time I'd felt it in a long while. It was exhilarating.
I spent a lot of time in prayer last night over my emotions and this morning, I started with my new life verse: "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8.
I felt good about being prepared for my day. I was having a good hair day - and as you all know, that on a good hair day, we are invincible! My son asked me as we headed to the car, "Do you feel nervous, Mom?"
"Yeah, I think I do actually. A little. Not too bad."
It's nice to feel something. I think I feel pink today. It's good to feel alive. :)
Be blessed!
Of course you haven't! Rainbows are meant to have all eight colors of the spectrum...Roy G. Biv. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. (My momma taught me that.)And I've discovered that our emotions are a lot like rainbows - meant to be experienced with the entire spectrum in tact. Happy, sad, angry, surprised, silly, content, frustrated, and a long list of others.
I started taking antidepressants many years ago to help me through a 'rough time'. Not only did taking medication not help...I largely attribute the medication with making things even worse. And what typically happens when a dose of medication isn't helping the way 'they' think it should? They change medications or increase the dose. Maybe both, as was my case.
I settled in to a 'comfortably numb' state of mind. Until, over time, my body adjusted and the medication didn't seem to be working anymore... so after a few years I was told to take another one each day. And that pattern continued for seven years until finally something happened. I wish I could tell you what happened, but I really can't. I just woke up one day and wanted to stop taking the medication. I was tired of the side effects that were, in my opinion, far worse than the 'ailment' I was taking the medication for in the first place.
Time for a disclaimer!! I'm no medical expert...nor do I think that taking medication for a mental condition is wrong for some people. I'm saying it was wrong for me. Another disclaimer - I don't recommend using my method of quitting them either!! I went from three 150 mg pills to one. After a couple of weeks, I couldn't tell a difference, so I quit taking them all together. It took a few days for the most noticeable side effects to stop. The stomach cramping was gone! I was so relieved!
The anxiety (which I thought was why I was taking the meds in the first place) went away. The feeling of paranoia and insecurity went away. The headaches went away.
I did some research and started taking a natural dietary supplement that has a balancing effect on women's hormones as well as an herbal supplement for anxiety that would help me sleep, and my favorite, a chewable tablet to use when I feel anxious.
I began to notice that I could see colors brighter and the world looked more vibrant than it had. I began to laugh...really laugh, like belly laughing. It felt amazing. I hadn't laughed like that in so long that I had forgotten how it felt. I began to cry again.
That's when God showed me a rainbow and told me that that's how I was supposed to feel...all the emotions, each for a purpose. You can't know true sadness without knowing happiness. You can't feel calm without ever feeling excited. You can't feel safe without ever having known fear.
I warned my husband and my son that some of the things that hadn't bothered me in a while, might suddenly 'tick me off'. I asked for their patience and understanding. I even texted my friends for prayer when I thought I might loose it on one occasion. And I chewed a couple of those little tablets.
Last night, as I was getting prepared for an appointment I had this morning, I was getting frustrated. I couldn't find a thing to wear, I was feeling fat and dumpy. My son, bounced in, in typical Tigger style, demanding to know what my 'problem' was. I told him that I was just in a bad mood. He looked at me and said, "So what, you're in a bad mood because you're nervous for the first time in your whole life?"
I'm not sure what surprised me more, the fact that he identified my emotion before I did, or that he thinks I've never been nervous before. Either way, I found it amusing. It helped me to realize that I was feeling nervous. And while it wasn't the first time in my life...it might well have been the first time I'd felt it in a long while. It was exhilarating.
I spent a lot of time in prayer last night over my emotions and this morning, I started with my new life verse: "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8.
I felt good about being prepared for my day. I was having a good hair day - and as you all know, that on a good hair day, we are invincible! My son asked me as we headed to the car, "Do you feel nervous, Mom?"
"Yeah, I think I do actually. A little. Not too bad."
It's nice to feel something. I think I feel pink today. It's good to feel alive. :)
Be blessed!
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