Sweeter Than Honey
What are you called to do?
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
To do good works. God didn't prepare us in advance to complain, gossip, act selfishly, promote negativity or to live in a constant state of drama-induced exasperation. No! He prepared us for good works. And as far as I can tell - every single good work mentioned in the Bible hinges on ONE WORD.
LOVE.
According to Romans 12:6 - 8 we all have different gifts. Some people might use the term 'calling'.
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. (7) If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; (8) if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of other, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
It's no surprise that the very next verse says, "Love must be sincere..."
Whatever your gift, or calling may be, it must be done with love to be effective. Most of us understand that - when we are dolling out soup at the soup-kitchen, or serving the homeless their Thanksgiving dinner, or changing dirty diapers in the church nursery. We love it. We love the people. We smile our best "Jesus loves you," smile. They can see in our eyes that we genuinely care. And we do. We really, really do.
But what happens to us when we cross the threshold into our own homes - the mission field that we have been assigned by God's choosing? That "Jesus loves you" smile turns into a "So help me, God" glare. And our husband and children don't get the pleasure of seeing Jesus in our eyes.
If you are married (or plan to be), you must understand that your number one relationship MUST be with God. Your number two priority MUST be your husband...then your children....then everything else.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."
I know what you're thinking...because I sometimes think it too...that would be easy, if my husband acted more Christ-like. Yep. There. I said it for you. But that's NOT what we are told to do. The Bible doesn't teach us to love others who are being lovable. Quite the contrary...we are told to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. And I'm going to go out on a limb here, and hope that most of us don't view our husband and children as the enemies...so how much MORE should we love them? And even if we do see them that way on occasion, we are obviously not off the hook.
We are called to love our husbands. Love them, honor them and respect them. Our words can tear them down or build them up. People always say that "our actions speak louder than our words" but I say our actions speak more honestly than our words. What are we saying by our actions and body language? Our mouths can say the right things, but our actions will speak the truth about what's in our hearts.
Remember: love isn't a feeling. It's an action verb. You can love your man without feeling warm and fuzzy towards him...which is more often that not for too many women. God created us with emotions, but love isn't one of them. Check out 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
But love doesn't dishonor...which, to me means that love does honor. Honor means what? It means to have a high respect, as for worth, merit or rank. (dictionary.com) R-e-s-p-e-c-t. The world is full of disrespected husbands. And that is a terrible problem! It isn't just a worldly problem. That's a problem in Christian homes as well. And you didn't vow to respect him only when he earned it. You vowed to respect him because you love him.
Aretha was right on when she said, "Find out what it means to me!" Because love and respect go hand-in-hand, and we all speak different love languages, what says "I love and respect you," to one person doesn't necessarily carry the same message to someone else. For example: my husband's love language is Acts of Service. I've shared with you before that he totally feels disrespected when I don't pick up his dry cleaning. As goofy as that sounds, it's true.
Today, as he was driving to Chicago, we were talking about things that need to be done around the farm to get ready for winter. He was verbalizing a mental check-list, asking for my help without really saying, "Honey, will you do ______________ for me while I'm gone?" I have developed a skill over the past 17 years, and that's hearing what he's saying when he's not really saying it. I could hear the stress in his voice as talked, "I need to get the grass seed down, and today's a perfect day for it, but of course I can't get anything done..." My well-trained brain heard it loud and clear: "Honey, will you please sow the grass seed for me while I'm gone?"
Another important skill I've learned: write it down! As he's dumping his list over the phone, I'm on the other end with my pencil and paper, taking copious notes. And that becomes my 'honey do' list. If Acts of Service is his love language, then I'm going to make sure this man knows beyond any shadow of a doubt that he is loved by me!!
So of course, I dressed in my finest rubber boots, fleece-lined leggings and shorts (a new fashion trend I'm starting) and a sweatshirt. Beanie hat. Gloves. Sunglasses (so the neighbors don't recognize me.) The phone calls and errands are easy, but going outside and getting dirty isn't exactly on the top of my Things I Do For Fun list. But this wasn't about fun. This was about love. And respect.
My friends will agree that there may be times when I've attempted a task for my husband that he probably wished I had just left for him to do...he's sort of a perfectionist. He knows in his mind what he wants/needs done, but I don't always fully understand. So as I was spreading grass seed and straw, and chasing away hungry ducks, who threatened to undo everything I did do, I began to pray (loudly) to God.
"Lord! Please let this be perfect for him! I'm doing this because I love him. You know my heart God, and you know why I'm doing this. It certainly isn't for selfish reasons. God, I hope this is what he wanted me to do."
When I had finished, I took a few pictures with my phone and texted them to him, nervously waiting
for his response. I was dreading a typical 'why didn't you do _____?' or 'You should have ____.' kind of response. But what I got made me know that God had heard my prayer. I got a one word response. A word my husband rarely uses on anything.
"Perfect!"
I could have cried! I had specifically prayed that it would be perfect. :) I love it when God answers prayers so clearly.
I'm making progress. Still learning to love like Jesus, but awareness is the first step. I'm getting better at stopping the less-than-loving words before they exit my mouth. I'm learning to step outside myself and give an honest evaluation of my own behavior. It's a challenge, but the rewards are sweeter than honey.
Be blessed!
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
To do good works. God didn't prepare us in advance to complain, gossip, act selfishly, promote negativity or to live in a constant state of drama-induced exasperation. No! He prepared us for good works. And as far as I can tell - every single good work mentioned in the Bible hinges on ONE WORD.
LOVE.
According to Romans 12:6 - 8 we all have different gifts. Some people might use the term 'calling'.
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. (7) If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; (8) if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of other, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
It's no surprise that the very next verse says, "Love must be sincere..."
Whatever your gift, or calling may be, it must be done with love to be effective. Most of us understand that - when we are dolling out soup at the soup-kitchen, or serving the homeless their Thanksgiving dinner, or changing dirty diapers in the church nursery. We love it. We love the people. We smile our best "Jesus loves you," smile. They can see in our eyes that we genuinely care. And we do. We really, really do.
But what happens to us when we cross the threshold into our own homes - the mission field that we have been assigned by God's choosing? That "Jesus loves you" smile turns into a "So help me, God" glare. And our husband and children don't get the pleasure of seeing Jesus in our eyes.
If you are married (or plan to be), you must understand that your number one relationship MUST be with God. Your number two priority MUST be your husband...then your children....then everything else.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."
I know what you're thinking...because I sometimes think it too...that would be easy, if my husband acted more Christ-like. Yep. There. I said it for you. But that's NOT what we are told to do. The Bible doesn't teach us to love others who are being lovable. Quite the contrary...we are told to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. And I'm going to go out on a limb here, and hope that most of us don't view our husband and children as the enemies...so how much MORE should we love them? And even if we do see them that way on occasion, we are obviously not off the hook.
We are called to love our husbands. Love them, honor them and respect them. Our words can tear them down or build them up. People always say that "our actions speak louder than our words" but I say our actions speak more honestly than our words. What are we saying by our actions and body language? Our mouths can say the right things, but our actions will speak the truth about what's in our hearts.
Remember: love isn't a feeling. It's an action verb. You can love your man without feeling warm and fuzzy towards him...which is more often that not for too many women. God created us with emotions, but love isn't one of them. Check out 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails....I'm not seeing anything that says that love buys flowers and says romantic things...love watches chick flicks, love tells me I look pretty or love never disagrees. Nor does it say that love feels loving or sexy or attracted or smitten...
But love doesn't dishonor...which, to me means that love does honor. Honor means what? It means to have a high respect, as for worth, merit or rank. (dictionary.com) R-e-s-p-e-c-t. The world is full of disrespected husbands. And that is a terrible problem! It isn't just a worldly problem. That's a problem in Christian homes as well. And you didn't vow to respect him only when he earned it. You vowed to respect him because you love him.
Aretha was right on when she said, "Find out what it means to me!" Because love and respect go hand-in-hand, and we all speak different love languages, what says "I love and respect you," to one person doesn't necessarily carry the same message to someone else. For example: my husband's love language is Acts of Service. I've shared with you before that he totally feels disrespected when I don't pick up his dry cleaning. As goofy as that sounds, it's true.
Today, as he was driving to Chicago, we were talking about things that need to be done around the farm to get ready for winter. He was verbalizing a mental check-list, asking for my help without really saying, "Honey, will you do ______________ for me while I'm gone?" I have developed a skill over the past 17 years, and that's hearing what he's saying when he's not really saying it. I could hear the stress in his voice as talked, "I need to get the grass seed down, and today's a perfect day for it, but of course I can't get anything done..." My well-trained brain heard it loud and clear: "Honey, will you please sow the grass seed for me while I'm gone?"
Another important skill I've learned: write it down! As he's dumping his list over the phone, I'm on the other end with my pencil and paper, taking copious notes. And that becomes my 'honey do' list. If Acts of Service is his love language, then I'm going to make sure this man knows beyond any shadow of a doubt that he is loved by me!!So of course, I dressed in my finest rubber boots, fleece-lined leggings and shorts (a new fashion trend I'm starting) and a sweatshirt. Beanie hat. Gloves. Sunglasses (so the neighbors don't recognize me.) The phone calls and errands are easy, but going outside and getting dirty isn't exactly on the top of my Things I Do For Fun list. But this wasn't about fun. This was about love. And respect.
My friends will agree that there may be times when I've attempted a task for my husband that he probably wished I had just left for him to do...he's sort of a perfectionist. He knows in his mind what he wants/needs done, but I don't always fully understand. So as I was spreading grass seed and straw, and chasing away hungry ducks, who threatened to undo everything I did do, I began to pray (loudly) to God.
"Lord! Please let this be perfect for him! I'm doing this because I love him. You know my heart God, and you know why I'm doing this. It certainly isn't for selfish reasons. God, I hope this is what he wanted me to do."When I had finished, I took a few pictures with my phone and texted them to him, nervously waiting
for his response. I was dreading a typical 'why didn't you do _____?' or 'You should have ____.' kind of response. But what I got made me know that God had heard my prayer. I got a one word response. A word my husband rarely uses on anything.
"Perfect!"
I could have cried! I had specifically prayed that it would be perfect. :) I love it when God answers prayers so clearly.
I'm making progress. Still learning to love like Jesus, but awareness is the first step. I'm getting better at stopping the less-than-loving words before they exit my mouth. I'm learning to step outside myself and give an honest evaluation of my own behavior. It's a challenge, but the rewards are sweeter than honey.
Be blessed!
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