The UN-doing of my List

 My days are filled with many things I need to do.  Most of those things are boring, tedious chores that must be done on a regular basis, some daily, like dishes, laundry, and sweeping the floor, feeding the dogs...  Some things need to be done only once a week, and there are some things that only come up once a month or less, like flushing the packet of yeast down the toilet (it keeps the septic tank clean—no kidding) or doing the taxes (thank God!)  But then there are the things that go on my To-Do list that are a one-time task, but they are important.  Today’s list was made up of things like:      

- order prescription refill
- send card to Mom
- call about lost driver's permit
- reschedule dentist appointment

 

 I love the feeling of crossing things off as I go; it gives me a sense of accomplishment, one step closer to my goal.  And quite often, if I did something that wasn't even on my list, I will add it so I can cross it off.  It's a boost to my sense of organizational well-being.  Whatever doesn’t get crossed off by the end of the day will find itself perched high atop my list for the following day. 

I must admit, though, that I don’t always write my list down, sometimes I go days without actually putting pen to paper, but I always have a mental list.  The problem with the mental list is, that I have a tendency to forget some things that can put someone (usually not myself) in a jam, like forgetting to pick up Randy’s dry cleaning the day before he has to go out of town for a big meeting.  It happens, unfortunately, and every time it does I vow to myself that I will write my lists on paper from that day forward.  It's especially problematic in our marriage because his primary love language is  "Acts of Service" and when those items are neglected, he takes it very personally and feels unloved. 

 There’s another problem with mental lists, and that is at the end of a day, when my husband asks me, “So, what’d you do all day?”  I suddenly go blank and can remember nothing.  I usually give him the old cliché about sitting on the couch, watching soap operas and eating bon-bons...sadly, I don’t even know what a bon-bon is.  So with the blank slate in my mind, I have no sense of accomplishment in my day—I mean, I’m sure I did something, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what. 

 In spite of the best laid plans, there are bound to be days when everything goes awry because of something unplanned, unexpected, unwanted and unfortunate happen…things like getting a phone call at 6:15 AM to let you know that school is running on a two-hour delay due to the weather, or rushing out to the car, already running late for your child's soccer game, only to find that the battery is dead and your husband (and his car with a fully charged battery) are out of town.  These are the situations that make me shout out loud, “This was NOT on my To Do list today!”

One such instance reared it's ugly (and unwelcomed) head over this past holiday weekend.  Friday, having been the 4th of July, we played host (see previous blog entry) to many friends and family members.  As you may recall, the epic flag-football game is part of the tradition.  This year was no exception.  But for whatever reason, maybe because our kids are getting older, stronger and more competitive, the game was a tad (ok - a TON) more physical than any legitimate flag-football game should be allowed to be.  And naturally, my 'great, back in the day' football-loving husband, was playing full-out.  Impressive for a guy who's already had both knees and a shoulder operated on at 47-years old.  

 

I was enjoying the grandbabies and cheering from my lawn chair in the shade.  When suddenly my husband appeared in the chair next to me, holding his left arm.  He signaled for me not to touch his arm, assuring me that he would be fine...he just needed to rest for a minute.  Thankfully, the game ended soon after that and everyone retreated to the refreshing water of the swimming pool. 

 

To make a long (and somewhat boring) story short - we ended up at the hospital for X rays late Saturday afternoon, after a 5-mile trip down Sugar Creek, with my husband acting as the 'one armed paddler'.  It was a sight to behold.  But he's tough and stuck it out. 

 

The X rays revealed a substantial break in what appears to be the radial head.  My husband is a student of his own health and spent a couple of hours doing research on his impending fate.  His normal orthopedic surgeon is on vacation for 10 days, so we (yes, we...this is painful for me, too.) had to suffer through Sunday with a Tylenol/Advil rotation and bags of frozen peas. 

 

First thing this morning he called the Hand Center, where a doctor-friend had referred him.  We will be going in this afternoon to talk to a surgeon about repairing his elbow. 

 

I share all this to say, "This wasn't on my To-Do list!"  It wasn't on my husband's list either.  His work schedule will now have to be adjusted and trips will get pushed off and postponed.  My days are about to be consumed with 'in sickness and in health' refresher courses.  We are lucky, though.  Friends who have suddenly lost loved ones, struggle to figure out how to get their daily lives back on track.  One friend, whose son dove into a shallow pool a month ago, now spends her days sitting beside his bed, where he lays paralyzed from the waist down.  I'm certain that was never on her list...

 

In the midst of plans gone awry, I am reminded of the words of the prophet Jeremiah.  In chapter 10 verse 23, he says, "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps."  We must put our trust in the One who told the stars where to hang, that He is ultimately in control of every detail of our lives.  Our To-Do list means nothing to Him.  When we forget who's in charge, we can end up bitter and cynical.  But surrendering our list to God, will bring us a peace like none other. 

 

It's hard on our egos to realize that when one of these unplanned events takes us out of the 'game' for a period, that the world goes on without us.  The stock market isn't likely to crash today because my husband won't be able to work this afternoon.  The news show still comes on at six o'clock, and there's not going to be a 'Breaking News' subtitle as the reporter talks about how life as we know it, around the globe has come to a screeching halt. No, indeed, life does go on for everyone else. 

 

With those two things in mind: That our lives are not our own, and that our tragedy won't bring the world to it's knees, we must press on.  We do what we can, while we can... because what could have been done yesterday (with two good arms) may not be able to be done today, with a bum elbow. 

I appreciate your prayers for my husband as we face a lengthy recovery...and prayers for me - for patience with him.  I pray that God will fill me with a servants heart and allow me to see and meet his needs before he even has a chance to ask.  I know God will use this little 'event' to teach me (and Randy) a lot about His grace and mercy.  And for you all, I pray your To-Do list is undisturbed.

Be blessed!